Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
