New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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