What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
