I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
