Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
