So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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