everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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