Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
