So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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