i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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