He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
