Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You're like the curious george of whores
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
