Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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