Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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