my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
