Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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