I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
