whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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