What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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