I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
