Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
