I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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