I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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