Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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