If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
