so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
