I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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