Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
