sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
