I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
being pregnant is like rehab
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
