well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
