Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
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Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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