I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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