I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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