i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
