we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The Olympian is in my bed
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
