im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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