I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
