YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
