Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
