Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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