The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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