If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We have so much sex to catch up on
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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