My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize