I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
