She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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