You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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