Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
