did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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