Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
