HIV tests are more positive than that guy
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
did i walk over a car last night?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
