I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
