I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
