We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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