you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
