God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
