Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
