So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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