I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
