mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
